Jagannathpuri: This is a difficult story to write, please forgive my rambling nature. There are many details and nuances, and writing seems to trivialize the depth of it. This is the best I can do for now.
On our first evening here, after checking into our hotel and eating, we went by auto rickshaw to the Puri Jagannath Temple. This was my first time traveling by auto rickshaw and it's wild! Or maybe it's extra wild right now because there are so many people descending on this place. Your driver has (hopefully) incredibly refined powers of one-pointed concentration. He is also completely in the moment. Some are more adept than others. They dodge an endless flow of cars, auto and bicycle rickshaws, people, trucks, and cows, that all seem to be swirling around you in a giant whirlpool of noisy, honking activity. There are WAY more cows here in Puri than Kolkata or Mayapur--if you travel one kilometer you'll see 10 or so. They are docile and sweet, and incredibly, during the mad hustle and bustle of the town preparing to receive a million devotees, they are frequently snoozing in the middle of the street.
So that first night we went to the temple and saw the chariots as they were in the final stages of construction. Carpenters were hammering away, painters were painting, fabric being draped, and devotees were prostrating and touching them lovingly.
We then circumambulated the outside of the huge, ancient temple complex. Against every inch of wall space were smaller shrines and temples. There are four main gates, guarded by pandas and police. Westerners and non-Hindus are not allowed inside, of course. Just inside the Lion gate there is a Jagannath named Patthita Pavana, friend of the fallen, who gives darshan to those who cannot enter, but his door was closed at that time.
We then walked to some other temples nearby--the Gaudiya Math and a beautiful Narasimha temple. Our co-leaders on this Yatra (in addition to the brilliant Robert Moses and Kate O'Donnel) are two wonderful Iskcon brahmacharis, Radhakunda Das and Prem Gauranga Das. Everywhere we go they seem to have the most incredible inside connections, and manage to get us into all sorts of auspicious situations. They are a wealth of information and their Bhakti is deep. They keep track of each one of us and do everything with so much care, attention, patience and humility.
The next day we woke early for led primary series practice with Kate, who kept a steady and brisk pace in our little conference room at the hotel. With the air conditioning off and the windows open it is so humid here that we all get drenched in sweat and moisture. It's lovely--my joints are very happy. Kate is a great teacher, and her partner / assistant Rich is also very good. Most of us in the group are Ashtangis so practice time is not only fun but very good self-care, as the pace of this Yatra is intense.
We went back to the "Grand Road" as they call it (it's very wide, for the chariots, of course), and saw the finished chariots, and then headed down the road to Gundicha temple, where the deities would be heading on their Ratha Yatra. Devotees inside were sweeping the grounds to prepare for their Lordships. Prem Gauranga Das told us we could try to go inside the gates, only up to the barricade, and only one at a time, but that if we were caught trying to sneak in we would really be in trouble! Only a few of us dared, and of course I was one. I'd rather get beaten with a stick by a panda (pundit) or shouted at then miss out on an opportunity to offer my pranams inside those gates. So I pulled my dupatta over my head and quietly went in. I dropped to my knees and pranamed, crying to Jagannath to please help me to open my heart to receive his blessings and feel his presence as fully as possible, to bless my family, friends and community. When I stood up there was a police officer standing right in front of me with a stern look on his face. He saw my tears and his expression softened. He asked me where I was from and I said "California, United States." He said, "Wait here," then walked over to a nearby vendor and came back with a rakhi to tie around my wrist. I thought he was trying to sell it to me or coerce me into making a donation (that's common) so I said "I have no rupees" which was true, I'd left my purse with the group. He shook his head and laughed, "You take. Jai Jagannath."
From there we continued our walk towards the water, stopping at a number of tiny temples to various deities along the way for darshan. People were everywhere, so many people. At the water ladies put fragrant oil on our heads and we splashed the water over our heads.
At this point I should mention two of the things that I imagine most westerners struggle with here. One is the poverty. It's intense, it's widespread, and on a level that you just can't imagine if you haven't seen it. I've seen some serious poverty in Brasil and Mexico so maybe it doesn't shock me so much, but it definitely hurts my heart to witness it. Beggars are everywhere holding out their hands, many are crippled, deformed, sick, starving, holding babies.... When I'm at home in the US I feel like I live such a simple life--Jaire and I live in a small apartment, drive older cars that seem to be on the verge of falling apart, and we work very hard to make ends meet each month. But here I am reminded that we are actually very rich. We always have food, electricity, clothing. We have so much. The other thing is cleanliness. When you take your sandals off to walk around barefoot, as you must in certain situations, it's anyone's guess what you're putting your feet in. Waste management is a serious issue here, and you have to be very aware of where you're stepping and what you're touching. Not to be indelicate but I admit the Indian style toilet was challenging for me at times, although in the hotels we've had western style. It's growing on me, though. I'm also getting pretty good at eating with my hand. Right hand only!
Then it was time for some shopping. I'd already scoped out a shop near the main temple, and I went straight there with my new friend Renee, who is a beautiful yoga teacher/practitioner and has the sweetest spirit and open heart. We were in handloom heaven! I bought four beautiful Orissan sarees for what I'm sure was an exorbitant price by local standards, but an absolute steal to by US standards.
Then, stepping out of the saree shop the whole crowd suddenly went silent and dropped to the ground. There just inside the lion gate was Patthita Pavana Jagannath, smiling so beautifully in the dark passageway. I pranamed there in the filthy street, crying again. I couldn't believe I was there. Dear, sweet Jagannath, who so kindly has engaged me in His service through the loving friendship of my spiritual sister K.d. I felt then so much love for K.d. and Rainbow Jagannath, for my own Choto Amrita Jagannath, and for my Vaishnava sisters and brothers Karnamrita, Kilimba, Radhanath, Jai, the Kirtaniyas and Mayapuris, Kamaniya and Keshavacharya Das, Gaura, Keli Lalita, Jahnavi, and so many others who have so lovingly shared their devotion and their hearts and kirtan with me.
When we got back to our hotel we asked our friend Priyanka (a girl in reception who is easily one of the kindest, most darling people I've ever met) if she could refer us to a good tailor to have the cholis made, the pallus finished and the falls sewn in, and she immediately arranged for a tailor to come to our room within the hour (chaperoned by her, of course) for a fitting. This was at 6pm. We asked if it was possible to rush the pallu and fall for 2 of the sarees so we could wear them the next day for the Ratha Yatra with readymade cholis, and he said yes, and they were delivered to us at 9pm. Amazing, and very cheap. Indian hospitality is the best. It's simultaneously wonderful to be able to so easily afford these kinds of luxuries, and also terrible to know that even as we enjoy them there were hundreds of thousands of pilgrims literally sleeping in the street just blocks away, awaiting the arrival of their Lordships.
As I was getting ready for bed I started to feel a little sick to my stomach. I drank some water with extra grapefruit seed extract and went to bed, but it was no use. I was up all night long, very sick. We had to leave at 5:30am to get through the police barricades and into our rooftop seats, and by 4am I was still vomiting only nothing was coming out anymore. I was weak, feverish, and crying in the shower to Jagannath to please give me the strength to get ready and get out the door. I didn't know how on earth I could withstand spending the entire day up there on the rooftop when I could barely move.
Somehow I managed to wrap my own saree and Renee's, just in time to get to the lobby. Our auto rickshaws could only take us part way and we had to walk a few kilometers. I was really struggling and just kept chanting my mantra and praying to Jagannath to take care of me.
We climbed to the roof of the old building and settled in our seats. I was in the front row, and we were close enough to the chariots to easily see everything. This was the chance of a lifetime--Radhakunda Das has procured these seats a year ago, they were very good. Everything appeared exactly as I remembered from watching webcasts of previous Ratha Yatras. There were military police and many different uniforms everywhere, and they began to push the crowd back to create a large barricade of officers all the way around the chariots. This was just after 6am, so the crowd was not yet too big.
I didn't want to get up because I was worried about losing my seat, but just sitting there was draining and I wanted to lie down on the floor in the back. I ate a piece of bread and sipped water and kept my eyes on the preparations below, where sevites washed and swept the street, created huge rangolis, and priests performed rituals of purification onboard the chariots.
As the crowd grew, so did the heat and humidity. By 10am it was almost unbearable. The many meters of beautiful hand loomed cotton wrapped around me were now sticking to every limb and suffocating me. I felt dizzy and weak, and ate a tiny sweet banana.
The crowd only got bigger. Soon they were packed shoulder to shoulder, front to back, in a writhing, swaying mass of bodies. There were no clouds in the sky, only the sun and the intense humidity. I kept thinking, if I am suffering so intensely up here in a chair on a shaded rooftop, what hardship must those devotees being going through to see their beloved Jagannath, Baladev and Subhadra?
The military police kept trying to move the crowd further back, which was terrible to see because everyone was constantly pushing forward. This was "handled" by beating those in the front with sticks--sometimes just little taps and often quite viciously. The crowd too can get quite rough with the officers--many times fights would break out and the people would throw shoes at the officers. This enraged them and they answered by leaping over the rope and into the crowd to beat them. Only they never beat the actual shoe throwers--they'd just jump in and beat whoever was close. They don't show any of this on the webcast. Sometimes when the crowd would surge forward and security beat them back, you could see a person get sucked down underfoot and trampled. It was terrible to witness from above, but thankfully the devotees seemed to manage to pull each other up. Often you'd hear the shrill whistle of paramedics fighting through the crowd with a stretcher carrying some poor injured or unconscious person to an ambulance, only the ambulances themselves struggled to get though as well. Fire trucks were parked everywhere, spraying down the hot devotees to cool them off, but as the time for the deities to emerge from the temple drew closer their energy only increased. Everywhere they were chanting, dancing, banging cymbals, drums and gongs. Everyone in tears, praying with all their hearts. I thought of how tame American kirtans are by comparison, of how riled up we get around Amma when people are pushing a little to get closer. It's nothing, the little hardship we go through--a 90 minute yoga class or a festival in the desert. It's nothing. In America it's so easy to go to a temple for darshan. It's so easy to go see a guru, to get a mantra, to learn some kind of sadhana. It's so easy but we still complain. Maybe this tapas is one of the things that makes India such a great place to grow spiritually. I thought of how many people all over the world contributed to my fundraising campaign to get me here, how lucky I am to have this rare opportunity, and how even though I was suffering from the heat, the sickness and fatigue, I was one of a privileged few who had it relatively easy. I would not be carried away on a stretcher.
So this went on for hours in the sweltering heat, and I watched weakly from above in my high, privileged position. From time to time I'd lie down in the back and try to cool off. I couldn't eat, and didn't want to risk it anyway. The one time I went to the nearby toilet it was.... rustic, I guess is a good word. Once was enough.
I don't know when it was, maybe after noon, when Sudarshan chakra finally came out and was carried on to Subhadra Devi's chariot. Then Baladev came lumbering out with a huge crown, supported on all sides by strong pandas who easily whisked him up the ramp and into his chariot. It was so sweet and beautiful! I love Baladev so much. My tears never stopped. Whatever merit, whatever blessing I'm receiving through your darshan, Lord, let it go to all my family, friends and community, to the whole world, was my constant prayer.
Subhadra Devi, my beautiful Goddess, also came out and was easily brought up onto her chariot. And finally, as the devotional energy and enthusiasm of the devotees surged into a complete frenzy, Lord Jagannath emerged from the Lion gate and rocked and swayed to the ramp.
His brother and sister had gone up relatively easily, but Jagannath was playing so much with his beloved pandas and made himself very heavy! Every time they'd get him part way up he'd lean back so far that it seemed he was going to lie down. The pandas would gently "hit" him with a little stick, "Hey Lord, let's go!" And he'd only slide further down.
Radhakunda Das explained that the Jagannath temple represents Dwarka, and Gundicha temple is Vrindavan. In the Ratha Yatra it is like the devotees are pulling The Lord back to Vrindavan, "We don't want you to stay here and be like a king, we want you to come home to Vrindavan and be a cowherd boy again." Jagannath loves his devotees so much that he allows this whole Leela to take place every year.
Finally The Lord went all the way up and settled in place. More rituals were performed, and around 4:30, I think, the chariots began to move. First Baladev, then Subhadra, then Jagannath. They move a little ways, then a huge "brake" is dropped and they prepare to move a little further. The military holds the first section of the ropes and then feeds the rest out into the crowd. It's an awesome sight!
As Baladev's chariot went by, Radhakunda Das called out to one of the pandas on board, who smiled and waved at us. "He is the one who arranged these seats for us," he told me. They were shouting back and forth to each other until the panda went and took a Mala from Baladev of tulsi and lotus flowers, and tying it into a ball he tossed it into the crowd. The poor man who caught it was mobbed immediately, but eventually made it upstairs to us and Radhakunda Das gave it to me to dry and distribute to our group and also to everyone back home. Later Prem Gauranga Das also helped me get a piece from Jagannath's crown.
We left at 6pm, after the chariots had passed by and were out of sight. I ate a little and then slept for an eternity.
The next morning, yesterday, we had Mysore practice and then went to Gundicha Temple for up-close darshan of their Lordships. It was so nice! The pandas were all very sweet with us westerners and would move people aside to help us get right up front and center. I had no idea we were going to get so close. Some people were sad that this year they did not allow devotees into the chariots, but this actually made it very easy to see them clearly. And they are so, so beautiful. The MOST beautiful. I don't have words for how I felt, standing there face to face with them, gazing into their sweet faces. I will never forget it.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get better pictures of Subhadra and Jaganath, but it's the best I could do. They are so beautiful.
In the evening we had meditation and satsang with Robert-ji. When we opened our eyes after meditation, Radhakunda Das was standing there with his panda friend, who had come to bring us the MOST special mahaprasad--in his hands he held strips of the pink cloth that was wrapped around Jagannath's head while he was coming out of the temple and into his chariot. He tied these around our necks. I can't believe how much grace.... I feel that I don't deserve any of this. I can think of a hundred other people who should be here in my place, but for some mysterious reason Jagannath has called me here.
This afternoon we go to visit Konark--the ruins of the glorious Sun temple, and later back to Gundicha to eat Jagannath's mahaprasad for dinner. I'm in heaven. My health is completely renewed and I feel better than ever. Tomorrow morning we fly to Delhi and then head to Varanasi, and I will always hold these days here in Puri in my heart as the most precious blessing.
I am full of love and gratitude, humbled, and overjoyed. All glories to Sri Jagannath, Sri Baladev, and Sri Subhadra Devi. All glories to my beloved Satguru Amma. All glories to the beautiful devotees. All glories.
